I'm going to start posting more of my writing...1 page story go times!!

We broke up how many months ago? I honestly can’t remember. I barely remember that time. After we did, I went through hell. That’s all I can remember.
I went out drinking almost every night.
I met men who weren’t you.
I told myself they were better than you.
I got the numbers of a couple of the basketball players of the local team.
I didn’t do anything with them that I wouldn’t have done with you if you had said something.
I had been willing to do anything for you.
Anything.
All you had to do was ask.
You asked for other things - the things that obviously didn’t matter. I agreed to all that you wanted. Lose weight? Ok. Wear makeup? Ok. Dress better? Ok. Speak more slowly? Ok. Don’t ask? Ok.
All I wanted – Don’t lie? No.
Granted, for months I had thought about breaking up with you, but I thought that I was just scared.
Scared of commitment.
Scared of ruining something because of fear.
Scared of being hurt.
Scared of pain.
You broke me. Did you know that? You broke me and now I’m not sure I can be fixed. Not that it’s a bad thing.
I got jewelry.
I got memories.
I got bruises.
I got experience.
Now I know what to look for – the dead eyes, the lack of attention, the fact that someone who is supposed to be going out with me doesn’t even remember the simple things about me. Did you ever listen to me?
Now I know what to expect – not much, the lateness, the inability to make time, the always being busy. Being busy going out with other people. I was yours, and you were everybody’s. Hardly fair, but we were young. You more so than I. You were a child. A brat, really. I was dumb. That’s your type, right? A person who’s too dumb to know what’s really going on. I should have known. The signs were there. The scratches on your back. The fact you never called back. The inattention. The late nights. The lack of money. The bad sex. The ill temper. The condom in your back pocket. Was it for me?
I’m glad we broke up. I think it was best for both of us.
I lay you down to rest, I pray the Gods your soul to rate. If you lie before I wake, I pray the Gods your balls to take.
You didn’t need me.
I don’t need you.
Life taught me a good lesson.
Did it you?
When will it, I wonder.
How many more lessons do we have to learn?
When do we become adults? Maybe next time we meet, I hope we’ll both have figured that one out.

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I think something in me clicked back into place this weekend. Things happened (both which can be seen as good or bad depending on your point of view) and those things I think jolted my brain back to where it should be. A good long while ago something thing happened and that kinda broke me. I thought I fixed it, but it was like putting a band-aide over a seeping knife wound. Then, something else happened that made me feel as if the band-aide was working. But then I realized that I hadn’t fixed my problem, that in fact, it was a much worse problem than I thought and spent the next few months trying to figure myself out, trying many different things to ‘fix’ the problem. This weekend however, I think it finally got the sutures it needed to be okay. I actually feel much more relaxed than I have in months. I’m not sure if this will actually be the thing that makes it all better (well, as better as things can get) or not, but I do feel a lot better than I have in a good while.
Also, I wonder if just forgetting is a good enough defense mechanism. It’s a band-aide cure, but I wonder if it’s a good enough one. I think it has its time and place. I truly do.

Today I got to talk/joke with the students a bit. That put me in a good mood.
Went to the gym. Exercised for about 2 hours. It was good. Who would have thought that I'd get to the point where my warm-up is a 30 minute jog/run? I surely didn't! But, that was my warm-up today. Afterward, some weight training and walking for about 45 minutes. It was good. Good times indeed.

I awoke at about 5:56 this morning with a great fear in my heart. "Crap, I've got to go to work soon..." and then I remembered today is Saturday. I was at once happy, excited, and a little exasperated with myself. It's good that it's the weekend.

I'm writing this without a shirt on. I do believe this is the first time I've posted in such a fashion.

Also, dudes, seriously. Do it. It's worse to string them along.

I gymed for about 2 straight hours (that's all exercise time, not changing and showering and whatnot). It was great! I had a nice conversation with HotGym as well. That was nice. He really is a nice, interesting guy. I'm glad that I have this chance to get to know him. Now I'm drinking wine trying to figure out if I want to watch a movie or read a book or draw a picture....although I will be going to bed once this glass is finished.

The gym was amazing AGAIN! Why did I ever NOT want to go??
Saw Hot Gym. He complimented me on my "sugoi sheeppu appu" (amazing shape up) again. I appreciate it. I do. Time to shape up more!!

Emotionally, I feel like shit. I'm not sure why. I'm sure there's more than one reason, but I'm not sure of any of them.

Physically, I'm okay. Could be loads better, but could be loads worse.

Spiritually...no matter.

That's the update of the week. Enjoy!