Monday, January 11, 2010

What if everything I've ever thought about myself is a lie? How is one supposed to act, if they aren't even sure about who they are?
There are a few things that it seems I've always thought about myself which may no longer be true. In fact, they may be almost the complete opposite of what I had thought. Is it natural to change that much? Has enough time passed where these changes aren't so unnatural, but rather a natural, slow evolution of self? I can surely hope so. It doesn't seem like a good thing to go from one extreme to another without time at least. Changing that quickly is never a good thing. Something happened and the next thing I knew, half of who and what I was changed. It happened in the blink of an eye, and, in retrospect, it wasn't too terrible for self evolution, but at the time it was hard figuring out who and what I was. But the slower changes - how do those affect self? Are the slower ones actually worse in a way than sudden change? The slower ones one might not even notice for a long time until something happens to shove it in their face. If you don't notice the change, might you end up turning into something that you don't even like without knowing it until it is way too late to change? I don't think my changes are anything like that, but I have noticed that I have changed. If it's for better or worse we'll see. I don't think it's for the worse, but who knows? It might end up biting me in the bum one day. All I do know is that I don't think I'd change anything...and not just because I've given up regretting.

Then again, something that I can't help but regret may creep up. And then I may end up eating most of my words.


  1. Sometimes changes just happen with life. One day you wake up and have a thought and it's like "Wow, did I actually think that?!" (like one day I was sitting at my desk thinking about what I could have bought instead of X-Men DVDs, and thought to myself "Holy crap, I think I'm a grown up!") Just go with the flow.

  2. That is true. I think I'm going to take the changes as a good thing and see where I end up.
    But, Candi...X-men. Really? What is better than X-men?? Except maybe a new Adobe program...or paper for the arts...or markers...or...

    Oh wow. Poor X-men. Getting dissed every turn.