Starting off with a disclaimer is not a good way to start a post...

So, this is to my parents (this disclaimer that is):
Hey guys,
Don't worry about me. I'm doing great. Fumbling down this road called life, but that is what maturing is for...it's just I get to do it in two languages. I've yet to do anything that I regret - there are some things that I've done that make me realize how dumb I am, or how much of a child I am, but there's nothing that I've really regretted...regretted in that bad way. Hopefully you know what I mean by that. Perhaps these entries have been a little too honest and open, but I figure honesty is the best way to go. Let's all face this now: I'm getting older, my missteps as we shall call them are getting more noticeable. Not to mention, this blog is a view into a part of my life that was very secret from you guys before...you know...since it's really different to hang out with friends than it is your parents. Now, I hope that statement doesn't worry you. I can't honestly think of anything that I regret. Of course, the fact that I've been working on that whole 'it's in the past, so no use regretting it since there is nothing you can do about it anyway' thing doesn't hurt. Obviously I also think that it is a good idea (one of the best actually) to try to do nothing that you will regret, but it is not always possible to do that especially if there are others around who are involved ('cause sometimes what you think is okay they might not - people are different so it's hard to judge sometimes).
Now, having said all that we can do two things:
1) Don't worry. I'll call or email if something happens. You are still my parents and I'm willing to take advice, and more than willing to seek it when I know I need it. You guys can also email or call if you get worried. I've been amazingly slow with emails lately, but I'm hoping to become more communicative in the next little while. I've been like this to just about everyone, so it's not anything against you guys.
2) I can stop posting about things that may worry you, or that could be considered too much information...
I think I prefer the first option. You guys can also leave comments. Everyone's allowed to.
Please let me know, and please don't worry.

*~*~*~*~* end of the disclaimer *~*~*~*~*~*

Now, onto the post: (ps: if you are my parents and you picked option 2 then do not read below this line...or probably the blog...@______@ )

Well, I forget where I left off but we'll talk about this weekend.
Not too terribly much happened...although I did make out with another guy. I have no idea how it happened, but it did. Almost went to a hotel with him too (now is the time to add that I did just start my period (like, today, and this was about a day and a half ago) and right before my period starts is one of the only times I used to think that having sex was an okay idea. I blame that the most...well, that and the liquor and fact that I had just given up hope on this one guy that I like even thinking of me as a friend - it's a deadly combo, son, a deadly one indeed). I remember I called this guy who I'm amazingly confused by, gave up on him, and then the next thing I remember is him saying 'hotel?' and me saying 'I want to, but my friends...' which made sense to me at the time...I think it has to do with us all being foreigners and having everybody know your business about 3 seconds after something happens. All I can really say is that I think there might be a party when I finally lose my virginity (yeah, I am still one...this is really close to that TMI line that I seem to have lost a few days after coming to this country). So, anyway, back to the story... I didn't go to the hotel with the guy but one of the other girls there gave me a condom, so we all know it was a close call. One of the other foreigners called me a whore, and I had to agree with him; that I was probably the biggest whore out of all the ALTs just that I'm a virgin so I'm a crappy whore. Honestly, what the hell happened to me? I think it's some strange combo of horny foreigners always being around ('cause they are), being in Japan, always being asked if I have a boyfriend, and the fact this is one of the few times I've ever had any sort of attention like that 'cause normally I am one of the guys, not one of the things guys want. So, I didn't have sex, but I do think I am a whore, and I need to cut that shit out. As punishment, I did, indeed, spend a good little while at the ceramic shrine puking my stomach up. I used to be able to hold my liquor - now I can't. What happened to that, too? Lose of morals shouldn't also come with lose of liquor tolerance - it should be the opposite way; less morals, more liquor.
So, I got home (I do have really good friends - thank god, eh) [alone, except for a friend who came with to make sure I got home safely]. Slept for a while. Did somethings...not too sure what...the next day. Met up with a foreigner, a male who is dating a Japanese girl...kinda dating.... He's just as confused as I am if not more so since they have done things and have actually meet outside of clubs. I basically said that I had given up on the guy and that I wasn't so sure if I'd go to the guys DJ thing on Friday. We did a little shopping and came back to my place for a movie. We started to watch "There Will Be Blood" and a couple more friends came over. Finished watching that movie and two of the 5 of us left (obviously I wasn't one since were were at my place). Started to watch 'Misery' ('cause I wanted to see it) and he calls. The DJ guy. The guy who confuses me. We talk for a little while and now I'm even more confused. I had the balls to ask him out on a date and then I think we both forgot. I remember now, obviously, but I don't know if he does. All I know is that I act amazingly retarded around him and say dumb things. It sucks, but it's who I am since I have zero experience. But, that learning curve is a bitch. Luckily he is a nice guy who either thinks I'm funny, or maybe he does like me. I don't know. I'm confused. But, I am going to the show on Friday. Mind, it's at the same club that I just had a close call in, so I hope that guy isn't there since I have no idea what he looks like or who he is. At all. Seriously none. But, I'm giving all my money to my friend, so I get no liquor this time. Unless someone I know buys it for me. But that'll be just one or two at the max. Perhaps I don't eat enough to have the same tolerance I used to, but I need to not puke again. Not for at least 6 months. Hopefully it'll be a lot longer, but I've a lot of growing up to do or some other bullshit.
Dude. I am such a kid. I spent almost my entire winter break playing video games. I'm not even kidding. I bought the system just so I could do that all break. Honestly, I think some of my 3 nen sei's are more mature than me.
Did I tell you the story about how I got a boyfriend for when I turn 25? I did. He said that I needed to mature more. I'm down with that. I just think it's really funny. Aaaaand, he's a rapper.

Anyway, the next day (which would be today), I was pissed 'cause my period still hadn't started. It was about 2 weeks late. I mean, I'm a virgin so it's no big deal, but it still pissed me off since I've been waiting for it to come for 2 weeks. I hate wearing pads and I've been doing it for two weeks for no reason. But, I watched 'Misery' again and eventually met with my friend. She studied, I just got pissed off at the textbook thing that I have since I've learned damn near all of it at least twice before and it's really irritating. On that first test we had, I got 100% and I didn't really study at all. For some reason it just angered me today, so I drew instead. That was nice. It's been a while since I actually sat down and drew anything. Didn't get very far on the picture, but it was nice. We eventually stopped those activities, and she came back to my place, and she made dinner, and we watched a movie. Seriously, Japanese people don't know what they are missing by not really inviting people over for dinner and a movie/games. It's nice. Perhaps if I grow balls I'll invite Japanese people over for a little bit of foreign fun times. My apartment is pretty messy, but I still have people over. Luckily they call it 'comfortable' while I call it 'filthy,' but they are other foreigners. Japanese people would probably flip out. But that's cool. I can laugh it off.
BUT, my period did start and that makes me happy because it finally did, but pisses me off 'cause I hate having a period. Seriously. The fact that I bleed from the crotch for a week and don't die is kinda creepy. 'Course the fact I used to be able to put away half a bottle of Vodka and not get sick is also a little creepy, but I seem to have lost that skill. Maybe it is the fact I'm not eating as much as I used to. Who knows? All I do know is that I'm about 1/3 the way to my weight lose goal. I know the inches are more important, but it's harder to have goals with that other than losing a set number of inches, and I'm not sure what that goal would me. So, we are sticking with the weight for now. Just another 2/3's and I'm there. Now, whether or not I keep to that goal is another story since my goal weight may or may not be good for me since I do have a large frame. We'll see. Perhaps BMI is the best way to go for it, but that means I need to do more math and it's past 11 PM at this moment in time.
Tomorrow is a conference. It's gonna suck. I'd rather be at school. Which reminds me, I have to prepare for elementary school o(^-^;;;; Oh poop.

2008.12.19

Bounenkai. Bounenkai is an amazing time and a drunken time. Like many things in Japan, liquor makes it better. Gotta be with the people you work with after hours? Go drinking! It makes it all better. So, the Bounenkai is literally “forget the year gathering.” 忘年会：忘: forget：年：year：会：meeting/gathering. So, in normal English, Year-end Party. We had it in a hotel. I got sat to the direct left of the principal of the school. That’s all sorts of strange luck. And it was a random drawing so it was, indeed, fate at work for this, not unruly teachers. One of JTE (Japanese Teacher of English) sat to my left, and to his left is another English teacher, which doesn’t actually make the night any easier. That’s why there’s beer. We had some games, we had some fun, we drunk a lot, and ate some good food. That lasted for about 2 hours, and then there was the Nijikai (second party). That was fun. Less restrictive than the Bounenkai, fo’ sho’. I think at this point a couple or perhaps one of the teachers was trying to set me up with the youngest male teacher at the school. After about half the party he came over to pour drinks ‘cause that is what you do here, and they made him sit down next to me. A little later we all exchanged phone info. I invited the people around me to go to a club – ‘cause that was what I was doing next – and they kept trying to pressure him into coming. I got a few people (4 others) into going to what turned out to be the Sanjikai (the third party, or the after-parties’-after-party). We drank for like an hour or so…my memory is fuzzy due to time and drink. I invited them to a club for after ‘cause I was going to go out and have some fun…and stay up ‘til the subways started up again. I didn’t get any takers, but I did share a taxi up to Kokubuncho (the club district) with the teacher they were trying to set me up with. I got out and tried to find the club – I couldn’t. I called, and didn’t get through the first couple of times, so I walked around and kept trying. I eventually got through and entered the club. Danced a little…with an Iranian. Got his number and left the club with my friend and his date/girl/friend-he-picked-up-in-a-club. The Iranian guy asked me if I’d like to go to this club with him ‘cause he left at the same time too, but I definitely went with my friend (after making sure it was indeed okay that I tagged along to the next club, which luckily it was). We went to the club, and he danced with her and I just kinda stood around for a little while until I saw this one guy who kinda looked at me, and then he and his friend hit on these two Japanese girls who turned them down flat. I walked over and got a free drink out of that, and started to dance with one of them. I was nice. I did enjoy that dancing. It got a little raunchy (a little more than a little, if truth be told), but that is what happens when there are long lengths of alcohol imbibing and clubbing. Let’s all remember, this is technically the Gojikai (fifth party) for me, so there’s been many hours of liquor and partying. In fact, by the time it ended, I had been out for about 10 hours. Bounenkai started at 7, the club closed at around 5. Anyway, back to the story of that fellow and myself. We left the club together with his friend (as in we exited). The guy stopped to get a drink from a vending machine, and his friend seemed to bugger off in that way that says “my friend’s gonna get laid, so I’m gonna get out of here so he can make his move.” We started to walk and talk towards somewhere, I’m not sure where. We eventually got there and he offered to give me a ride. I admit openly that I didn’t actually understand what he was offering, but I took the offer…after I told him no sex. He was cool with that. He said something along the lines of only having sex with girlfriends, and then asked if I was the same, and I said yes, except with boyfriends. He drove me to my apartment, and we talked along the way. He is a really interesting guy.

2008.10.22

Today was a day of retribution...(ie: it sucked). The speech really didn't go over too well, especially that first time. The speech wasn't too bad as far as speeches of my caliber go, but the Q&A really sucked. I don't think I really understood the questions, and then I gave crappy answers. It really sucked, but there is nothing to do about it now...although the liquor and bread did help me feel better at least. Perhaps not the best way to make up for crappy behavior, but it kinda works. The second time wasn't as bad 'cause I had heard the questions before, but it still sucked. Basically, about half way through I wanted it to end, but obviously that can't be done. I just hope the 3rd years don't hate me for good now. If they do, effing H, but if they don't then I'm safe.