Monday, January 12, 2009

Starting off with a disclaimer is not a good way to start a post...

So, this is to my parents (this disclaimer that is):
Hey guys,
Don't worry about me. I'm doing great. Fumbling down this road called life, but that is what maturing is's just I get to do it in two languages. I've yet to do anything that I regret - there are some things that I've done that make me realize how dumb I am, or how much of a child I am, but there's nothing that I've really regretted...regretted in that bad way. Hopefully you know what I mean by that. Perhaps these entries have been a little too honest and open, but I figure honesty is the best way to go. Let's all face this now: I'm getting older, my missteps as we shall call them are getting more noticeable. Not to mention, this blog is a view into a part of my life that was very secret from you guys know...since it's really different to hang out with friends than it is your parents. Now, I hope that statement doesn't worry you. I can't honestly think of anything that I regret. Of course, the fact that I've been working on that whole 'it's in the past, so no use regretting it since there is nothing you can do about it anyway' thing doesn't hurt. Obviously I also think that it is a good idea (one of the best actually) to try to do nothing that you will regret, but it is not always possible to do that especially if there are others around who are involved ('cause sometimes what you think is okay they might not - people are different so it's hard to judge sometimes).
Now, having said all that we can do two things:
1) Don't worry. I'll call or email if something happens. You are still my parents and I'm willing to take advice, and more than willing to seek it when I know I need it. You guys can also email or call if you get worried. I've been amazingly slow with emails lately, but I'm hoping to become more communicative in the next little while. I've been like this to just about everyone, so it's not anything against you guys.
2) I can stop posting about things that may worry you, or that could be considered too much information...
I think I prefer the first option. You guys can also leave comments. Everyone's allowed to.
Please let me know, and please don't worry.

*~*~*~*~* end of the disclaimer *~*~*~*~*~*

Now, onto the post: (ps: if you are my parents and you picked option 2 then do not read below this line...or probably the blog...@______@ )

Well, I forget where I left off but we'll talk about this weekend.
Not too terribly much happened...although I did make out with another guy. I have no idea how it happened, but it did. Almost went to a hotel with him too (now is the time to add that I did just start my period (like, today, and this was about a day and a half ago) and right before my period starts is one of the only times I used to think that having sex was an okay idea. I blame that the most...well, that and the liquor and fact that I had just given up hope on this one guy that I like even thinking of me as a friend - it's a deadly combo, son, a deadly one indeed). I remember I called this guy who I'm amazingly confused by, gave up on him, and then the next thing I remember is him saying 'hotel?' and me saying 'I want to, but my friends...' which made sense to me at the time...I think it has to do with us all being foreigners and having everybody know your business about 3 seconds after something happens. All I can really say is that I think there might be a party when I finally lose my virginity (yeah, I am still one...this is really close to that TMI line that I seem to have lost a few days after coming to this country). So, anyway, back to the story... I didn't go to the hotel with the guy but one of the other girls there gave me a condom, so we all know it was a close call. One of the other foreigners called me a whore, and I had to agree with him; that I was probably the biggest whore out of all the ALTs just that I'm a virgin so I'm a crappy whore. Honestly, what the hell happened to me? I think it's some strange combo of horny foreigners always being around ('cause they are), being in Japan, always being asked if I have a boyfriend, and the fact this is one of the few times I've ever had any sort of attention like that 'cause normally I am one of the guys, not one of the things guys want. So, I didn't have sex, but I do think I am a whore, and I need to cut that shit out. As punishment, I did, indeed, spend a good little while at the ceramic shrine puking my stomach up. I used to be able to hold my liquor - now I can't. What happened to that, too? Lose of morals shouldn't also come with lose of liquor tolerance - it should be the opposite way; less morals, more liquor.
So, I got home (I do have really good friends - thank god, eh) [alone, except for a friend who came with to make sure I got home safely]. Slept for a while. Did somethings...not too sure what...the next day. Met up with a foreigner, a male who is dating a Japanese girl...kinda dating.... He's just as confused as I am if not more so since they have done things and have actually meet outside of clubs. I basically said that I had given up on the guy and that I wasn't so sure if I'd go to the guys DJ thing on Friday. We did a little shopping and came back to my place for a movie. We started to watch "There Will Be Blood" and a couple more friends came over. Finished watching that movie and two of the 5 of us left (obviously I wasn't one since were were at my place). Started to watch 'Misery' ('cause I wanted to see it) and he calls. The DJ guy. The guy who confuses me. We talk for a little while and now I'm even more confused. I had the balls to ask him out on a date and then I think we both forgot. I remember now, obviously, but I don't know if he does. All I know is that I act amazingly retarded around him and say dumb things. It sucks, but it's who I am since I have zero experience. But, that learning curve is a bitch. Luckily he is a nice guy who either thinks I'm funny, or maybe he does like me. I don't know. I'm confused. But, I am going to the show on Friday. Mind, it's at the same club that I just had a close call in, so I hope that guy isn't there since I have no idea what he looks like or who he is. At all. Seriously none. But, I'm giving all my money to my friend, so I get no liquor this time. Unless someone I know buys it for me. But that'll be just one or two at the max. Perhaps I don't eat enough to have the same tolerance I used to, but I need to not puke again. Not for at least 6 months. Hopefully it'll be a lot longer, but I've a lot of growing up to do or some other bullshit.
Dude. I am such a kid. I spent almost my entire winter break playing video games. I'm not even kidding. I bought the system just so I could do that all break. Honestly, I think some of my 3 nen sei's are more mature than me.
Did I tell you the story about how I got a boyfriend for when I turn 25? I did. He said that I needed to mature more. I'm down with that. I just think it's really funny. Aaaaand, he's a rapper.

Anyway, the next day (which would be today), I was pissed 'cause my period still hadn't started. It was about 2 weeks late. I mean, I'm a virgin so it's no big deal, but it still pissed me off since I've been waiting for it to come for 2 weeks. I hate wearing pads and I've been doing it for two weeks for no reason. But, I watched 'Misery' again and eventually met with my friend. She studied, I just got pissed off at the textbook thing that I have since I've learned damn near all of it at least twice before and it's really irritating. On that first test we had, I got 100% and I didn't really study at all. For some reason it just angered me today, so I drew instead. That was nice. It's been a while since I actually sat down and drew anything. Didn't get very far on the picture, but it was nice. We eventually stopped those activities, and she came back to my place, and she made dinner, and we watched a movie. Seriously, Japanese people don't know what they are missing by not really inviting people over for dinner and a movie/games. It's nice. Perhaps if I grow balls I'll invite Japanese people over for a little bit of foreign fun times. My apartment is pretty messy, but I still have people over. Luckily they call it 'comfortable' while I call it 'filthy,' but they are other foreigners. Japanese people would probably flip out. But that's cool. I can laugh it off.
BUT, my period did start and that makes me happy because it finally did, but pisses me off 'cause I hate having a period. Seriously. The fact that I bleed from the crotch for a week and don't die is kinda creepy. 'Course the fact I used to be able to put away half a bottle of Vodka and not get sick is also a little creepy, but I seem to have lost that skill. Maybe it is the fact I'm not eating as much as I used to. Who knows? All I do know is that I'm about 1/3 the way to my weight lose goal. I know the inches are more important, but it's harder to have goals with that other than losing a set number of inches, and I'm not sure what that goal would me. So, we are sticking with the weight for now. Just another 2/3's and I'm there. Now, whether or not I keep to that goal is another story since my goal weight may or may not be good for me since I do have a large frame. We'll see. Perhaps BMI is the best way to go for it, but that means I need to do more math and it's past 11 PM at this moment in time.
Tomorrow is a conference. It's gonna suck. I'd rather be at school. Which reminds me, I have to prepare for elementary school o(^-^;;;; Oh poop.

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